Thursday, July 14, 2011

I'm a Geni[o]us

Not sure if I'm a confirmed genius or not (but the fact that I initially spelled "genius" wrong is probably my confirmation that no, I am not in fact a genius) but I invented my very own, non-electric snooze button this morning. Want 5 more minutes and can't quite reach your alarm clock/cell phone? Go back to sleep with your arm under your head... in about 5 minutes it's going to hurt like a bastard and wake yo ass up! BOOM! It was only about 4 minutes for me this morning, so the length of snooze you will get differs on the strength of your own personal blood circulation.

If the arm thing doesn't wake you, try thinking of this guy

In other not-a-genius-confirmation news, my nose hurts. Sometimes while washing my face, my pinky goes rouge and slips up my nostril, the nail slicing a little cut just large enough to sting like a bitch anytime it's disturbed. what IS that?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lizard Baby

This morning on our drive to work (Eric and I carpool) Beck's "Loser" came on the radio and Eric told me that when he was a kid he thought that Beck was saying "I'm a lizard baby, so why don't you kill me." This made him wonder what Beck had against lizards, and what reason he could possibly have to want baby lizards dead. Being the reptile lover that he is, he started to hate Beck for his lizard-hating mentality.

I, on the other hand, wondered why Beck enjoyed singing about soy. Soy sauce? Soy beans? Soy predator? What does soy have to do with being a loser, Beck?!?!

Anyway, it's good to know that after 5 years we still have interesting things to learn about one another. Even if they are just misconstrued song lyrics.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


I recently got married to my boyfriend of 4 years, fiance of 1 year. All the time we’ve been together all of our friends who have children have joked about how we’re “next”. Now that we’re married, “when are you having kids?!” and “you’re tired? I bet you’re pregnant!” seem to be completely socially acceptable things to say to me. What. the. f. But I guess I can’t blame people for having babies on the brain. I’m apparently at the age when all of my friends are having babies and posting monthly progress photos of pregnancy and kids on facebook. Everyone I know is having kids. And that's fine--for THEM. Leave my womb out of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids as much as the next girl-well; maybe not quite as much as the next girl, since she seems to want five kids and can’t wait to start popping them out. Meanwhile, when I see an adorable toddler stumbling along, clinging to his mommy’s index finger, the only thing I can think of is how likely it is that this kid is going to grow up to be the selfish prick who cut me off on the freeway this morning, and then flipped me off when I honked because I had to slam on my breaks to prevent slamming my car into him. But that’s just me; maybe it’s a phase? Personally, I like kids the best when I can give them back.

Friday, July 1, 2011


Eric (husband) and I went on a date last night, courtesy of our good friend Lindsey and the wedding gift she gave us of a gift certificate to our favorite restaurant, and a gift card to the movies. She also gave us a stipulation that we needed to use both gifts on the same night, since we VERY frequently end our dates after dinner and proceed to spend our evenings hosting some sort of casual gathering.

Tokyo Lobby is the sushi restaurant where we have been going since we started dating. It's our favorite. Last night the owner was working as our server, instead of his adorable wife, and he brought us everything on one of those big wooden boats! WE GOT OUR SUSHI ON A BOAT! It was spectacular. Since I didn't take a picture, even though I was totally thinking that I should, I will post a picture that my friend Stacie took of the time she and her husband got their sushi on a boat at Tokyo Lobby. Accept ours didn't have that sweet sail. and we had WAY cooler sushi. But no beer... so touche, Stacie. Touche.

Continuing with the rules of the date, we went to see X-Men: First Class. Eric is has a little obsession with Spiderman, and is a huge fan of anything Marvel and comic book related, so you would expect that he would have gotten a little contact buzz off of this movie... but I'm pretty sure I was more excited than he was. It was spectacular. My only qualms were these:

- Jennifer Lawrence is cast as the young version of Mystique. She does not look like a young version of Rebecca Romijn. She is cute, at best. She is not a particularly good actress; more the kind that makes you slightly uncomfortable to watch because you feel embarrassed for her. Who is she related to/sleeping with who got her cast in this movie?

- The not-so-scientific actions involving science with a scientist. Trial and Error is a relatively basic system to build your scientific work upon. Not only was this scientist not acting very sciency, but he was willing to test a new serum on a third party (him being the 1st party, and science being the 2nd).

- Michael Fassbender's penis outline has a staring role in nearly every scene he's in. (it's "staring" because you feel as if it's staring at you and you are unable to look away. Ask Eric. Once I called his attention to the penis outline, he couldn't stop looking at it. And he doesn't even find penis outlines attractive!) This isn't actually a qualm, I just wanted to spread the word. Bumblebee Tuna. You're welcome.

After the movie I wanted to jump around like a 5 year does after seeing an action movie, showing off my sweet moves that I learned during my extensive training, sitting in a movie theater.

Also, I want to hug James McAvoy. and Michael Fassbender.

To wrap it up, I want to see this movie again. and again. and also, again.