Steam

There's almost a baby named Zachary Border in my life. I'm currently 35-4/7 weeks with this guy and getting closer to his due date of March 18th. I know I posted the thing about not wanting kids and all of that, but just an FYI, I wrote that about 4 years ago and just didn't post it right away. Things change. At one time I thought I never wanted to get married. Then Eric and I began our journey, and things changed. I thought I might not want kids, but then it changed. Crazy. I'm still in denial of the whole thing really. I know that in the near future I will not even remember what it was like before Zach came along, but for now, I'm a little scared. Change--good or bad--can be frightening. I love my life right now. Eric and I are doing great (he's the best caretaker EVER and I am the luckiest woman in the world. I have literally cooked dinner about 7 times throughout the entire pregnancy and he has cooked almost every other meal). Our house is cozy and nice, our pets are fun, my job is fine and pays the bills, I'm getting through school (aside from taking this semester off because I'll be giving birth and all). We have our routine and we love it! And now we're flipping it all upside down. Which has its perks and everything, and I'm sure we'll love it, but as of now, I feel a lot of guilt for how neglected my animals are about to become, and anxiety about all of the changes that are about to take place. Like I said, good or bad, change is still scary.

I'm also pretty scared of the giving birth part itself. I keep looking at all of my "friends" on facebook who've had babies recently and reminding myself that if they can do it, I can do it. I've taken steps toward attempting a natural birth. I hate the stigma that has... mostly because anything hippy or natural tends to get a lot of guff from people who do not participate or utilize. My assumption is that they are defensive because they feel like they're being judged. We chose cloth diapering for our little guy, for example. I can't stand the thought of the waste in the landfills, and the waste of the money spent on disposables. During my research period I found a LOT of negative feedback being given by non-CDers to CDers... unprovoked, unsolicited, and honestly, fucking rude. Most of the CDer responses were just asking people to be nice and reminding them that they are just doing what's right for them and their families, and the non CDers should do the same. But the attacks kept coming. There are ups and downs to both disposable and cloth diapering. We weighed the positives and negatives of both and chose one that feels right to us. I don't give a shit what kind of diapers the next family uses because my assumption is they are doing what is right for them. So same goes with the natural birth thing. I'm not saying that's what I'm 100% going for. But thinking about being incapacitated, slowing down the birth, potential risks, etc. freaks me out. I know the pain is going to be like nothing I've ever felt before, which is why I am open to the use of the pain meds if I feel I need them at the time. I actually went to a hypnotist for some guided meditation and pain management techniques. Our session was recorded and I now listen to it as I fall asleep most nights. I'm hoping this really helps me achieve the natural birth that I'm going for.

So enough making excuses for why I'm making the choices that I am. I feel like a lot of the words above serve the purpose of explaining so I'm not judged incorrectly. I started this entry with the intention of writing something positive and uplifting, maybe a little funny... but I've run out of steam, so I'm going to leave it as is and maybe come back to it later.

Announcement

I don't post here as much as I had hoped I would, but I thought I would update a bit. I'm pregnant! We decided we wanted to find a cool way of announcing it, and Eric came up with a great idea for a shirt. I made it, and a little sign for me, and we went to my brother's to have him take a picture (he's not really a photographer, but he's super artistic, and we knew he could get a great shot). 

Here's what we got, and we couldn't be happier!

Memory

Every morning for the week leading up to my wedding I woke up extremely early. I'm talking 3 or 4AM sometimes. I would wake up, and my mind would started going, and it was then impossible to fall back asleep. It was no different for me when we got to the amazing beach house where we all stayed (and where all of the CA wedding events were held). The day of the wedding I woke up at 4:30AM, lied in bed for a half hour trying to will myself back to sleep, then decided to text my mom (who was in her room 2 floors below). Of course she was up. We organized a rendezvous on the patio with our favorite tea, to watch the waves, sit in the ever fleeting peace (until the other 30 guests began to stir) and talk about how excited we were. The very same thing happened the morning after the wedding. I got to start my wedding day, and my married life, waking up with the person who makes me feel the safest and coziest, drinking our favorite drink, in one of the most beautiful settings I could imagine.

It was one of the most peaceful times in my life. Hopefully that doesn't make it seem like my husband doesn't make me feel safe or cozy; it's just that there's nothing like being with your mom to make you feel warm and cozy. Scratch that; there's nothing like being with MY mom to make ME feel warm and cozy. This is literally one of my favorite memories from my wedding.

I'm a Geni[o]us

Not sure if I'm a confirmed genius or not (but the fact that I initially spelled "genius" wrong is probably my confirmation that no, I am not in fact a genius) but I invented my very own, non-electric snooze button this morning. Want 5 more minutes and can't quite reach your alarm clock/cell phone? Go back to sleep with your arm under your head... in about 5 minutes it's going to hurt like a bastard and wake yo ass up! BOOM! It was only about 4 minutes for me this morning, so the length of snooze you will get differs on the strength of your own personal blood circulation.

If the arm thing doesn't wake you, try thinking of this guy

In other not-a-genius-confirmation news, my nose hurts. Sometimes while washing my face, my pinky goes rouge and slips up my nostril, the nail slicing a little cut just large enough to sting like a bitch anytime it's disturbed. what IS that?

Lizard Baby

This morning on our drive to work (Eric and I carpool) Beck's "Loser" came on the radio and Eric told me that when he was a kid he thought that Beck was saying "I'm a lizard baby, so why don't you kill me." This made him wonder what Beck had against lizards, and what reason he could possibly have to want baby lizards dead. Being the reptile lover that he is, he started to hate Beck for his lizard-hating mentality.

I, on the other hand, wondered why Beck enjoyed singing about soy. Soy sauce? Soy beans? Soy predator? What does soy have to do with being a loser, Beck?!?!

Anyway, it's good to know that after 5 years we still have interesting things to learn about one another. Even if they are just misconstrued song lyrics.

Children

I recently got married to my boyfriend of 4 years, fiance of 1 year. All the time we’ve been together all of our friends who have children have joked about how we’re “next”. Now that we’re married, “when are you having kids?!” and “you’re tired? I bet you’re pregnant!” seem to be completely socially acceptable things to say to me. What. the. f. But I guess I can’t blame people for having babies on the brain. I’m apparently at the age when all of my friends are having babies and posting monthly progress photos of pregnancy and kids on facebook. Everyone I know is having kids. And that's fine--for THEM. Leave my womb out of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids as much as the next girl-well; maybe not quite as much as the next girl, since she seems to want five kids and can’t wait to start popping them out. Meanwhile, when I see an adorable toddler stumbling along, clinging to his mommy’s index finger, the only thing I can think of is how likely it is that this kid is going to grow up to be the selfish prick who cut me off on the freeway this morning, and then flipped me off when I honked because I had to slam on my breaks to prevent slamming my car into him. But that’s just me; maybe it’s a phase? Personally, I like kids the best when I can give them back.

X-Men

Eric (husband) and I went on a date last night, courtesy of our good friend Lindsey and the wedding gift she gave us of a gift certificate to our favorite restaurant, and a gift card to the movies. She also gave us a stipulation that we needed to use both gifts on the same night, since we VERY frequently end our dates after dinner and proceed to spend our evenings hosting some sort of casual gathering.

Tokyo Lobby is the sushi restaurant where we have been going since we started dating. It's our favorite. Last night the owner was working as our server, instead of his adorable wife, and he brought us everything on one of those big wooden boats! WE GOT OUR SUSHI ON A BOAT! It was spectacular. Since I didn't take a picture, even though I was totally thinking that I should, I will post a picture that my friend Stacie took of the time she and her husband got their sushi on a boat at Tokyo Lobby. Accept ours didn't have that sweet sail. and we had WAY cooler sushi. But no beer... so touche, Stacie. Touche.

Continuing with the rules of the date, we went to see X-Men: First Class. Eric is has a little obsession with Spiderman, and is a huge fan of anything Marvel and comic book related, so you would expect that he would have gotten a little contact buzz off of this movie... but I'm pretty sure I was more excited than he was. It was spectacular. My only qualms were these:

- Jennifer Lawrence is cast as the young version of Mystique. She does not look like a young version of Rebecca Romijn. She is cute, at best. She is not a particularly good actress; more the kind that makes you slightly uncomfortable to watch because you feel embarrassed for her. Who is she related to/sleeping with who got her cast in this movie?

- The not-so-scientific actions involving science with a scientist. Trial and Error is a relatively basic system to build your scientific work upon. Not only was this scientist not acting very sciency, but he was willing to test a new serum on a third party (him being the 1st party, and science being the 2nd).

- Michael Fassbender's penis outline has a staring role in nearly every scene he's in. (it's "staring" because you feel as if it's staring at you and you are unable to look away. Ask Eric. Once I called his attention to the penis outline, he couldn't stop looking at it. And he doesn't even find penis outlines attractive!) This isn't actually a qualm, I just wanted to spread the word. Bumblebee Tuna. You're welcome.

























After the movie I wanted to jump around like a 5 year does after seeing an action movie, showing off my sweet moves that I learned during my extensive training, sitting in a movie theater.

Also, I want to hug James McAvoy. and Michael Fassbender.

To wrap it up, I want to see this movie again. and again. and also, again.